I am currently sitting in the middle of my sofa in my living room, with one dog asleep aside the chair, and another out for the count underneath my duvet which is placed next to me. I was going to snuggle up under it, but didn’t quite get that far. I am also listening to ‘Florence and the Machine’ through my laptop. I love the tone of her voice.

The past few days have just been, crazy. I’ve been wanting to update my diary/blog, but I’ve just not had the energy, and now I have the time to do it, the words just aren’t coming.

Some people ask how I manage to work, and at the moment, the answer would be ‘Because I have too’. At least, that was the reason to start with. It was a necessity, and, still is. Life doesn’t stop, money is always needed, from paying the rent and bills to eating and clothing myself. Even though needs must, it’s still so difficult.

On one hand I feel I’m managing everything that’s going on at the moment on an ‘ok’ level, but then, on the other hand, I feel I just can’t manage it all. I know it’s only been a matter of weeks, and my body is adjusting, it’s just taking it’s toll on me.

I get in from work, and go back to bed, then I still wake up and my body needs more sleep. I don’t know whether to sleep even longer, or whether to get up and push myself. I feel I’ve really had to push, as there isn’t any other option. It definitely makes me feel good though, knowing that the money that comes in to my account I earned with my own hard work. So, all in all, theres positives and negatives to it all.

As far as the plans for the future, things are actually looking bright. Or, I feel they are. Theres still so many unknowns, but what I do know, is that with the extra money I earn coming in to my account, it means we can start to plan (of sorts) for our future. Starting with a holiday.

I’ve only ever been abroad twice (I think. One of them as a baby, the other time to Spain with my family and I remember that, but was only young). It’s why it’s so exciting. There is so many places I’d love to visit, Amsterdam (The house where Anne Frank lived in in World War 2), and to Poland, to visit the Auschwitz grounds (I love history). Both Rich and I would also love to holiday in Parga, Greece as well.

I’ve never felt I was in the right situation to manage anything like that. I’ve never felt I could ‘Dream’ about what I wanted in the future, with being ill, and a bad financial situation. That’s why me finding work has changed a lot for me, it’s given me and Rich a future. I always new we had a future, I just didn’t think we’d be going down this path.

I saw my family the weekend gone. My mum, dad, and sister came up to Coventry for the day. I really had a great time. I loved being able to walk the dogs with them (something I’ve only really been able to manage recently, and maybe even that is because I’ve pushed myself). It was great fun. We had a great meal, and we even managed to shop. Rich gamed during the day as he wasn’t hugely feeling very well (both of us have been feeling fluy over the past month or so). A good day all around.

I know so many people are excited about the snow (changing the convocation), but it’s really starting to get to me. It restricts me so much! I cant really go out on my own, I’m not fully able to keep control of my car, and the office at work is so dam FREEZING! I always hated summer, and longed for the cold, but oh god, i cant take much more dam it!

For now, that is all. My life is so busy, working, studying, sleeping. I don’t always have time to update my blog as often as I’d like. I’m going to start up a written diary, which I can note down my thoughts in. I’ll then use to update my blog online. For now, adios.

Puppy

I’m writing this from the comfort of my sofa, with Kira, our Siberian Husky puppy by my side, half sleeping, half playing, and George, not actually wanting to be social!

I’ll start with Kira. Choosing and buying her came out of the blue, but the idea of me and Rich wanting a puppy wasn’t a spur of the moment decision. We’d toyed with an Irish Wolfhound for quite a while; he’d had one in the past, and loved him dearly. I was a little worried about the size of some of the dogs he was interested in, and whether we could afford to maintain a big dog!

Over the weekend, we’d viewed a few animal shelters, but decided that that wasn’t the way to go. The animals were lovely, but we just didn’t find one we ‘gelled’ with. It didn’t seem that they’d ever feel like they were ‘ours’, and they were nearly always at an age where it would be too late to integrate him/her with George (which was really important).

We came away from the shelters feeling really despondent. We decided to have a look at the net when we got home, to see if there was any possibility of buying a puppy instead. We looked around, and focused our search in the end on Siberian Huskies. Rich was keen on the breed, so I happily went with it.

I believe in fate, and destiny and I believed right from the beginning that when we found the right puppy, we’d know. The first 20 or so adverts we viewed just didn’t feel right. They where either too expensive, or male (which we didn’t overly want), or in a location that just wasn’t practical.

We did finally come across one advert though, and we had a really great feeling right from the beginning. She was the last of a little from Leicester. When we initially phoned the breeder, he was very, very friendly. He answered all of our questions and was happy for us to go view her.

Leicester is only 20 minutes or so from us in Coventry, and we traveled up to meet the puppy. The area wasn’t what I was expecting; it was the poorer side of town, so we where a little apprehensive. When we met Kira, she initially seemed very sleepy (she is a puppy though so it was to be expected). Rich held her first, and she snuggled him, and when straight back to sleep. Then I held her, and she just sank in to my arms. She loved every minute of it, and we instantly bonded. I didn’t want to put her down!

We questioned the breeder, and all seemed to be in order. She eventually woke up and instantly jumped down to the floor and started to chew my shoe laces! Naughty Kira. We decided to buy her there and then. We loved her so much! She traveled home just perfectly, she lay down and went back to sleep. A big contrast to how George is when he travels, he gets super excited and barks the whole way!

She’s settled in extremely well She’s chewed everything, peed everywhere, made lots of mess, and spent all of her remaining time sleeping! She’s really settled in nicely, and is growing bigger and bigger by the day! It’s really strange seeing how she’s changing; just her facial features developing, and her coat colour.

She wont be fully grown until she’s 2 and a half years old (she’s 8 weeks at the moment). She’ll get as big as I am when she’s standing on her back legs. She’ll also need walking an hour or more a day (which will be Richards job as my health just wont stand it).

That’s all for now regarding dogs!
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Christmas

Christmas is closely upon us! ARG! I’m trying to work out how long I can put off Christmas for. Don’t get me wrong, when the day arrives, I love it, I just dislike how suddenly Christmas starts in August and September and my radio is filtered with Christmas tunes! Really frustrates me.

As far as plans for Christmas day though, I’m really conflicted as to where to be and what to do! I really don’t want my dad being alone at Christmas, would be so strange without him. As well as that though, I’m going to be super sad to not see my sister at Christmas. Boo.

In the end we kind of came up with some form of plan. Dad will spend the morning of Christmas day with my Jen, my sister. At mid day he’ll travel up to me and Richards (about a 2 hour drive). We’ve all then been invited to Richards brothers wifes parents (still with me?!) for Christmas day meal, which will be great, means I don’t have to cook, hurray! Boxing day will be spent at Richards parents for boxing day celebrations.

Thats what’s happening on the 25th! It’s all so new for me, we’ve never really made a huge fuss at Christmas. We’ve always had the family tree, and the meal in the afternoon, and presents of course, but that’s been about it! We’ve never really had boxing day celebrations, or new years celebrations, so I think I’m in for some fun this year!

As far as presents go, Richards sorted, dads sorted, mums sorted, as is her boyfriend, and my uncle/aunt. Still conflicted as to what to buy my sister, due to the fact my mum stole my present idea! What a coincidence! GRR! We had such fun laughing over that when we found out that we’d both decided to buy the same present for her, i’ll make sure she knows it was my idea first!
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Open University and job hunting

As i’ve already mentioned, i’m studying the first course which will count towards my degree. I received the results of my first assignment a few days ago, and and am pretty dam chuffed with the mark! I was scored 88% (The Open Uni works in percentages instead of grades..). I’m dam chuffed I have to say! There’s certain points I need to work on, so will make sure I sort those out for the next assignment. I also had my monthly tutorial last night, which meant I had to travel back east as I haven’t changed regions yet. I was feeling terrible and really didn’t want to go, but it turned out to be worth it and helped answered a few questions I had.

I am completely shattered today though. I’m in super amount so of pain after the 5 and a half odd hours driving yesterday (To my dads, to pick up his car, back to my tutorial, then home). Having some trouble walking as my knee and ankle joints/muscles have swollen and seized up. Is due to me overdoing it and I know I shouldn’t push myself in that way, but sometimes it’s necessary, at least once a month for my tutorial.

Due to part of my benefits stopping, (as I think I’ve already mentioned), I’ve had to start to search for a job, something I didn’t anticipate I’d have to do until after I’d finished my degree. I’ve applied to several retail positions, working on tills, and varies boring things.

I’ve also applied today to several Web Content Editing positions, which I have to say I’m pretty nervous about. Due to not finishing school though, I have little qualifications (pre degree), and have had no previous work experience, so I’m just not confident I’d land a job in the IT field (which would definitely be ideal for me).

I’m hoping to pick up some volunteer work over the next few months, and work hard, so I have at least some experience to put on my CV, as it’s looking rather bare at the moment.

Before I sign off, I’d like to thank the continuing support of the readers of my blog. There has been so many views, and comments over the past month, and it’s really appreciated. I have always said, and always will, that I write for me. I don’t do it to follow the crowd. I don’t limit my posts so it follows a set of ‘rules’ or ideals. I just write. It’s always been a release for me, a way to get things off my chest and document what’s happening in my life, and I think that’s reflected in the end result. So again, thank you for reading!
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I struggled slightly when I reached the beginning of the second unit, (the Representations unit). I worked through the harder parts of that unit though and started to enjoy the work towards the end. I’m now working on the 3rd unit (Crossing the boundary: Analogue universe, digital world). I’ve definitely enjoyed it much much more than the previous two units. (The first was just an introduction and was slightly boring, the 2nd a little harder to get my head around as it didn’t appear at first to have much relation to computers, and the 3rd unit I’ve enjoyed much more, especially the binary section).

After some reflection, I don’t think I’m going to enjoy every aspect of the course. For example I’m looking forward to the practical work in the programming section more than the theory work, but people at the tutorial are really enjoying the written aspects and not looking forward to the practical work, so I guess it depends what your personal interests are.

I found out that there are two units at the end of the programming sections that are fully optional, (you can skip them if your struggling with the programming and don’t intend to take it any further). I think I’m going togive them a go. I didn’t plan on taking the programming any further after this course, but now that I’ve actually started the work, I think it might be something I’d like to delve into a little deeper.

My first tutorial was last Wednesday, and I was seriously worried before I went. I already new that I’d probably be the youngest person there, but didn’t think I’d be the only under 25. I didn’t really get on with the person I was sitting next to either, but she said afterwards that she had not been feeling very well, so hopefully the convocation will flow a little easier next time. I didn’t get a chance to talk to anyone else, so I really shouldn’t judge I guess.

The tutor is very very lovely, her interests lay in programming, and she’s tutored the same course for many years. She’s also a student with the Open University (working at the moment for the Certificate in Web Applications), so has experience from both aspects.

I applied a few days ago for my next two courses (which is a ‘ARRR’ moment, as I took two extra courses on that will start in February, so will have 3 courses running in total at that time). The first one is ‘Networked living: exploring information and communication technologies’, I’m not quite sure yet whether it’s my kind of thing, but It was definitely the better option over the other 3 courses which all involved maths, and I definitely wouldn’t have been able to manage that, especially at university level! The second course I registered for is ‘Web applications: design, development and management’ (which will count towards my Certificate in Web Applications). It’s only a 12 week course, but is a level higher than the other courses I’m studying at the moment and will be a lot more intense, so I have mixed feelings about it at the moment.

I’m really trying to push myself and aim to achieve my degree in 4 years, but as of yet, I’m not sure if it will be that way in reality. It’s a lot of work, and I’d definitley say I’m slightly worried that my health won’t hold out.

Bring on February I say.

The two posts I’d uploaded to the start my blog, I’d written for my personal space on the Open Universities website. I’d not decided whether I wanted to make the entires public, or private, and to start with they were private, but I finally decided I was ready to fully publish my previous entries (and any in the future) to a public blog.

I have used LiveJournal in the past, and several other public online blogging services, but none of them ever gave me the flexibility I really needed/wanted. With web designing by trade, I new I could build one, so decided to work with the WordPress platform, and build my own blog. The themes that are available with WordPress are in a whole different league from the ones you can use with the free blogging services that are around at the moment, and there are no adverts. (Plus it’s using my hosting service which I pay for every month, so puts that to good use).

Anyway, I digress.

I started my course (with the open university, as mentioned in previous posts) on the 3rd of October (it’s now the 7th), and honestly, I think finding the courage to register for the course is one of the best things I could ever have done. I think it’s only just dawned on me that I’m actually studying at the University level. I didn’t think I’d ever do anything other than ‘be’ ill.

It definitely was a daunting prospect. After I got home and saw the box from the Open University, and after I discovered how much course material there actually was, I definitely panicked!

It’s hard work. What more can I say than that? It really is hard work. At the start of the week, the first day I sat down with my books in front of me, I spent a full 6 hours studying, which was probably too much looking back on it. Since then, I’ve studied roughly 2 hours a day (which doesn’t sound like a lot, but I’ve managed to get a lot of work done. I’m already a unit ahead, which means I can relax a little, for the time being anyway!

I’m heading off to Richards house tonight (picking him up from work at 10pm, and an early night probably, we’re both shattered!). He starts work tomorrow at 2pm, so will spend the morning with him, then study after he’s gone. (I missed him terribly whilst at home).

I’m hoping I’m actually going to be able to get more work done at his house, it’s been mental here, what with my dad having the TV blaring, and the dog, and my sister, it’s been quite crazy.

So I think for now, I will just have too keep plodding through the course materials, and look forward to the first tutorial on the 14th!

Slowly more and more of the StudentHome website is becoming available to me, I’m now able to read over the course materials online (the material I’m waiting to arrive in the post). I haven’t given it too much of a read, as Ill do that when it arrives in the post, but has been good to see more in depth what each unit is going to contain.

I don’t quite understand at the moment how the study actually works (something I’ll need to find out about..). I’m guessing it revolves around the course forum though.

Have further introduced myself on the forum, so hopefully some good solid study friends can come out of that.

Mood: Anxious
Stage in course: Waiting for course starting date.

The StudentHome recommended i read through ‘New to OU Study’, so i decided to take some time out to read over everything so i could orientate myself to the OU and to work out what to expect.

Was definitely the right course of action. I felt so much better after reading over everything. I was able to find my way to my email in-box, and subsequently managed to find the M150 course forums. I felt much calmer after introducing myself.

I then managed to find the ‘Courses’ section of the StudentHome, and realized that my course materials had been dispatched. I expected them to be sent 3 weeks before my course start date, but didn’t realize that we had already reached 3 weeks before. Dam! The time had flown by.

I’m looking forward to my course materials arriving, so i can sort out all of the papers and file the items in to some form of order. I actually am looking forward to reading over the material!

I think I’ll relax a little more when the details of my tutor arrive. Knowing when the course tutorials will be will also help.

I really didn’t think I’d be as excited as i am. The course is going to give me something to work towards, something to focus my time, give me direction, something i’ve not had in a very, very long time.

I’m not yet sure if I’m going to make the blog entries public, or private, but am hoping to be able to track my progress, so i can look back and be able to work out how i coped at the different stages of the course.

Mood: Excited
Stage in course: Waiting for the course to start.